i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
