I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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