Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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