i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
