We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
