after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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