his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
