the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
third nipple confirmed
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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