So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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