if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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