dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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