sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
