Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
