where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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