i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I can't turn off my feet"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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