Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
