She is in my trunk
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
