He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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