you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
