have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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