I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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