I have demons in me.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
