I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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