Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
