Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
