Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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