you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
