He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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