im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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