two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
