So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
