Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
