I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
