Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
