so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
