You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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