she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
