Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
