so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
wanna go halves on a baby?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
