; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
