Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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