my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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