Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
