OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
she woke up with a sticky ear
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
