how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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