oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I would ride that face into the sunset
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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