She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
