First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
