No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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