I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
